So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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