I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
