Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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