why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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