He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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