Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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