She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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