Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
