I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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