Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
