how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he puts the penis in happiness.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
