my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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