I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
