Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
