can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
