i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
