I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
