Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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