we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
