I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
