Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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