Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
