i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
