It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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