he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
