Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
