my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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