Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
