the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
