Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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