just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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