This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
