used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
