All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
