From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
