I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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