I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
