So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
