at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
