ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
