i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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