people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Damn victory sex feels great
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
