Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
