I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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