So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
