I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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