so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
