wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize