He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
