"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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