there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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