Moan for me like Helen Keller
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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