I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
