How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i think my cat just said my name.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
