why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
