That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
