3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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