i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
