I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
