How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
