thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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