My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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