when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
