I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
