I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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