And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
