My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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