She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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