There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
