I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this just has baby written all over it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
