I wannas sexs uuuuu
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize