i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
