The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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