All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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