Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.