so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
